“On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs” 

By LTC (RET) Dave Grossman, author of "On Killing."

 

 

Honour never grows old, and honour rejoices the heart of age. It does so because honour is, finally, about defending those noble and worthy things that deserve defending, even if it comes at a high cost. In our time, that may mean social disapproval, public scorn, hardship, persecution, or as always, even death itself. The question remains: What is worth defending? What is worth dying for? What is worth living for? - William J. Bennett - in a lecture to the United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997

 

One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me:

"Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident." This is true. Remember, the murder rate is six per 100,000 per year, and the aggravated assault rate is four per 1,000 per year. What this means is that the vast majority of Americans are not inclined to hurt one another. Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million.

 

Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.

 

I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin's egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers, and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.

 

"Then there are the wolves," the old war veteran said, "and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy." Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.

 

"Then there are sheepdogs," he went on, "and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf."

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

 

Let me expand on this old soldier's excellent model of the sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. We know that the sheep live in denial, that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids' schools.

 

But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Our children are thousands of times more likely to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard, and so they chose the path of denial.

 

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, can not and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheep dog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

 

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, "Baa."

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

 

The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door.

 

Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Remember how many times you heard the word hero?

 

Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed right along with the young ones.

 

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." When you are truly transformed into a warrior and have truly invested yourself into warriorhood, you want to be there. You want to be able to make a difference.

 

There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population. There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory crimes of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behaviour and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself.

 

Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.

 

Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honoured in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When he learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd dropped his phone and uttered the words, "Let's roll," which authorities believe was a signal to the other passengers to confront the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers - athletes, business people and parents. -- from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.

 

There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men. - Edmund Burke

 

Here is the point I like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn't have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision.

If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.

 

For example, many officers carry their weapons in church. They are well concealed in ankle holsters, shoulder holsters or inside-the-belt holsters tucked into the small of their backs. Anytime you go to some form of religious service, there is a very good chance that a police officer in your congregation is carrying. You will never know if there is such an individual in your place of worship, until the wolf appears to massacre you and your loved ones.

 

I was training a group of police officers in Texas, and during the break, one officer asked his friend if he carried his weapon in church. The other cop replied, "I will never be caught without my gun in church." I asked why he felt so strongly about this, and he told me about a cop he knew who was at a church massacre in Ft. Worth, Texas in 1999. In that incident, a mentally deranged individual came into the church and opened fire, gunning down fourteen people. He said that officer believed he could have saved every life that day if he had been carrying his gun. His own son was shot, and all he could do was throw himself on the boy's body and wait to die. That cop looked me in the eye and said, "Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself after that?"

 

Some individuals would be horrified if they knew this police officer was carrying a weapon in church. They might call him paranoid and would probably scorn him. Yet these same individuals would be enraged and would call for "heads to roll" if they found out that the airbags in their cars were defective, or that the fire extinguisher and fire sprinklers in their kids' school did not work. They can accept the fact that fires and traffic accidents can happen and that there must be safeguards against them.

 

Their only response to the wolf, though, is denial, and all too often their response to the sheepdog is scorn and disdain. But the sheepdog quietly asks himself, "Do you have and idea how hard it would be to live with yourself if your loved ones attacked and killed, and you had to stand there helplessly because you were unprepared for that day?"

 

It is denial that turns people into sheep. Sheep are psychologically destroyed by combat because their only defence is denial, which is counterproductive and destructive, resulting in fear, helplessness and horror when the wolf shows up.

Denial kills you twice. It kills you once, at your moment of truth when you are not physically prepared: you didn't bring your gun, you didn't train. Your only defence was wishful thinking. Hope is not a strategy. Denial kills you a second time because even if you do physically survive, you are psychologically shattered by your fear helplessness and horror at your moment of truth.

 

Gavin de Becker puts it like this in Fear Less, his superb post-9/11 book, which should be required reading for anyone trying to come to terms with our current world situation: "...denial can be seductive, but it has an insidious side effect. For all the peace of mind deniers think they get by saying it isn't so, the fall they take when faced with new violence is all the more unsettling."

 

Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some level.

And so the warrior must strive to confront denial in all aspects of his life, and prepare himself for the day when evil comes. If you are warrior who is legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that the bad man will not come today.

 

No one can be "on" 24/7, for a lifetime. Everyone needs down time. But if you are authorized to carry a weapon, and you walk outside without it, just take a deep breath, and say this to yourself...

"Baa."

 

This business of being a sheep or a sheep dog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-sand-sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between. Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started taking their job more seriously. The degree to which you move up that continuum, away from sheephood and denial, is the degree to which you and your loved ones will survive, physically and psychologically at your moment of truth.

"Have you ever felt like nothing that you are doing is working? Are you at the point in business or in life that you just want to "throw the towel in" and "give up" on your dreams, your business, etc. Then check this video out!

This true and powerful re-dramatization is a reminder to us all of the awesome power of self-belief! Ask any elite athlete; elite soldier or successful person. They will all tell you that perseverance or simply the will to not quit when things get rough is paramount in any human endeavour!

 

 

Our decision to be, have and do anything out of ordinary, entails our sometimes-facing difficulties that are also out of the ordinary! 

We can't always control WHAT happens to us in life however WE CAN control our attitude towards it! So many times when it comes to quitting on our dreams, the only thing that keeps us from getting what we want is the story we keep telling ourselves why we can't have it!

Persistence, persistence, persistence is sometimes our greatest asset in achieving our dreams!

Just remember defeat never comes to any person until he or she admits it! So either modify your dreams or magnify your skills and get back into it!

 

FOR WHETHER WE BELIEVE WE CAN, OR WE BELIEVE WE CAN'T

YOU

ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!

- HENRY FORD,

INVENTOR OF THE FORD AUTOMOBILE

To know if your child is capable of staying home alone or walking or riding their bike to school alone; see how they and YOU handle what I call “The R.A.A. Challenge”. “The R.A.A. Challenge” is a series of questions designed to act as a guide for YOU and your child to know if they can be their own protector…effectively!

I recommend that you sit down with your child and talk about each of these keys points listed below. Keep in mind “The R.A.A. Challenge” is somewhat a test for you too, being the parent. It leaves out the obvious basics of child safety strategies such as knowing their home address, important phone numbers etc. These are left out for the simple fact that it is designed to measure not what strategies to use when in danger, but are they able to Recognize, Assess and even possibly Avoid or deter danger!

“The R.A.A. Challenge”

1. If your child had experienced someone inappropriately touching them or abusing them, and you feel extreme anger and agitation, ask yourself:  Are you strong enough to hear what they may have to say about it? This is an extremely important question that you have to seriously sit down and question yourself about. Bare in mind that should an incident have occurred to your child, they may be in a state of extreme guilt, shame depression etc. Any reaction they believe you may have regarding their experience will have a dramatic impact on whether or not they confide in you and the internal communication they have regarding this experience and about themselves.

“THIS MOMENT IS ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU!”

By no means am I simplifying or belittling the enormous pain, rage and probably even guilt that a parent may feel should this even occur. I know myself that I would be extremely enraged. However be careful to vent your rage when your children are not around. Child victimization is a crime of secrecy! The way you respond to your children, or their perception of how you might respond to their “call for help”, will play a serious role in whether or not they open up to you or this crime remains a secret that they may carry with them for the rest of their lives! 

2.Does your child know that their opinions and feelings matter, if someone makes them feel uncomfortable? This is another area where you have to make it clear in your actions and words that your child has a voice! They should know that they have the right to be able to express their thoughts & feelings, and for others to hear and respect it. I am not telling you how to raise your children. However for some adults raising children under a dictatorship (disempowering) system, where the child has no opinion, seems to be the norm! Giving your child the respect and the room to honor their own feelings is a powerful gift for them. It gives them the ability to start building of their self-esteem. Remember, most predators prey on the vulnerable and disempowered. Not so much the children with high self esteem and know how to voice their feelings freely and stand up for themselves.

 

3.Does your child know how to ask for help? This is a development stage of the child’s social skills, and how they interact with strangers is imperative. This is where you may see how the simplified statement adults sometimes give children of “Stranger Danger” or “Never talk to strangers”, can be extremely conflicting to some children. If they are in trouble and you are not around, they must know how to communicate with strangers to ask for help. You need to teach them who to ask for help from, as we mentioned earlier. Also teach them to speak with people in an empowered state not a disempowered one. You can assist your child in developing this state of mind, every day. I remember my own Father always telling me to stand tall and speak clearly and with purpose. Not with my head down and mumbling. This leads us to question Number Four!

 

4. Does you child know how to describe if they are in danger and if so the degree of danger they may be in?

 

5. Does your child know that it is ok to strongly disagree with adults and         even defy them?

 

6. Do they know that it is ok for them to be assertive and that you will support them?

 

7. Do they know you will support them if they have to strike or even injure someone if they believe they are in danger or to protect himself or herself? 

 

8. Do they know that it is a crime for anyone to touch them in their “bathing suit zone.”

 

9. Do they know that if anyone ever tells them to “not tell”, this really means that they should tell?

 

10. Does your child know to resist ever going somewhere with someone they don’t know out of view of others?

 

11. Does your child know to never go with someone who tries to persuade them?

 

12. Do they know if someone tells them “not to yell” they should yell?

 

13. Do they know what to yell if someone ever takes them against their will?

 

Children are much more resourceful and “clued in” than we sometimes give them credit for. Remember when you were young, and the things you knew or were aware of, that your parents would never think that you had knowledge of? Use this to your advantage when speaking with your child about these subjects. Remember you were young once too!  Don’t let your apprehension or F.E.A.R.(False Emotions Appearing Real) of speaking to your children about these subjects, put their safety in jeopardy!

Single, married, dating, or divorced. The one common denominator with all men and women is that they are all looking for one thing – CONNECTION! Connection with that one special person, whether intimate or not.

 It all boils down to one of the six major human needs that we ALL need met.

However the question is, at what cost will we go to, to have this powerful desire fulfilled? When we meet a person and the warning bells are going off in our head that something is just not right, what do we do?

Do we just make jokes about it to our friends and laugh it off? Do we blame it on a past failed relationship? Do we just ignore our intuition and gut instincts?

How many times do you ask yourself the question: How can I tell if all he wants to do is have sex with me and he doesn’t even care about what my name is? How can I tell if he is genuine or a player? How can I tell if he may be prone to violence?

I’ve spent a large percentage of my life studying and practicing “The art of recognizing predatory and manipulative behaviour in humans”. Many of those years were in fact providing protection for individuals and their families in high risk situations from those who are very good at ‘masking their intentions’ from those they have targeted or seen as their prey!

Throughout my 20+ years in the protection industry, I would always hear “Well there’s no way to tell if that charming and very nice guy is trying to scam me, or even harm me or my children!”

I’m here to tell you that you can tell the difference!

Consider this thought. Women are a powerful and creative force. The Universe gave YOU the physical ability to create and nourish life, and to conduct amazing feats of physical and mental endurance. Now do you really think that such an empowered woman, who can do all those things, would not have ‘a state of the art early warning system’ to protect you from harm? You do! However for the most part, as we go about our life, we may feel vulnerable to those who seem to mystify us with their uncanny ability to gain our trust. They can hurt us emotionally and in some devastating case, physically! 

So what is this ‘early warning system to danger’? I can tell you that it is so critical and important to professionals that go into harms’ way every day, that one Country’s Government system has actually started studying ‘this Gift’.

‘The Gift’ I refer to is called Intuition!! We all use it and are assisted by this Gift each and every day. However many of us ignore our Intuition, and continue to walk into harms way or bad relationships time and time again!

So what is Intuition and how does it work? Even better how can you use it effortlessly?  Intuition is not some mystical “Jedi” ability, but the ability to sense or know when something isn’t right immediately without conscious reasoning. In regards to your personal safety and security, this is known as the “uneasy or uncomfortable” feeling that something is just not right!

Our ability to recognize a dangerous person or situation is programmed into every human being’s nervous system. It is this “early warning system” to danger that keeps us safe…but YOU HAVE TO RECOGNIZE IT to take action!

So does our Intuition give us clues? ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY it does! Think for a moment about a time in your past when a certain situation or person made you feel uneasy. When you first felt this sensation, according world renowned expert on predicting violent behaviour Gaven De Becker, it probably initially manifested itself to you by one of these following “intuitive signals”.

Intuitive Signals – “Early Warning System”

1. Nagging Feelings – you seem to not be able to shake
2. Constant Thoughts
3. Dark Humour – about the person, situation or environment
4. Anxiety- with no conscious visible signs of why
5. Curiosity – a wanting to know more
6. Hunches
7. Gut Feelings
8. Doubt
9. Hesitation
10. Suspicion
11. Apprehension
12. FEAR! – Real Fear not False Emotions that Appear Real (Worry!)

So when we get these feelings why do so many people continue to walk head first into the fox’s DEN? We do so because of another phenomenon we humans tend to use as our emotional crutch: DENIAL!  So why do some people choose denial over certain realities that may be staring them right in the face and even obvious to their friends?

To understand Denial, you first have to understand the two driving forces that motivate all humans, no matter what cultural, religious or ethnic backgrounds they may come from. 

“The Avoidance of Pain & The Seeking of Pleasure”

Think about it, why do we procrastinate? We procrastinate because we have associated that whatever the endeavour we need to do, is going to cause us more pain than pleasure. If we associated pleasure to it, then we would do it without any reservations!

The Denial of not admitting that man may be after one thing only. The Denial of believing that one day, he will stop verbally or physically abusing you, even though he doesn’t recognise that he actually has a problem. The Denial we feel when discounting that uneasy feeling when that charming, handsome man is coming on to you - saying all the right things. You use Denial because you want to avoid Pain and seek Pleasure.

DENIAL is the “alter-ego” of Intuition! We use Denial any time we want to eliminate our discomforting fears when we have to deal with the reality of a perceived or actual painful experience.

When you are in Denial, you can pick up some of your own signals.

Some signals that you are in the state of Denial are:
1.Refusal
2.Making Excuses
3.Minimization of the Reality
4.Justification
5.Rationalization

“So when my intuition is telling me something is not what it seems to be, what do I do? Should I be paranoid? Distrusting? Unapproachable?”

Absolutely not! Paranoia actually impedes Intuition. In our empowerment program ‘How to Be Your Own Bodyguard’ we cover this at greater lengths. The main thing is to recognize when your Intuition kicks in! Once it does, and when it comes to dating, tread cautiously! Ask questions - Trust if you must …but always verify!

When it comes to your personal safety or your child’s safety, remember to BE SLOW in allowing others into your life and DECISIVE in excluding those who you just know could cause you or your child harm!

 Over the years I have seen men and women fall in and out of relationships. I’ve seen clients who’s safety I was responsible for, almost walk into life threatening danger. Whether it’s your relationships or keeping others or yourself from harm, we all know when something isn’t right. Do not deny it. Acknowledge it and question it!